Mr. Gary Lee

• Great way to inspire the people and get consumer confidence going!
• I still think people who overextended themselves and can’t afford a home, should be ousted from their home. I don’t want my tax money going to people who are sitting around their brand new granite kitchen counter tops, watching the news about unemployment rates on their brand new 42″ LCD.
• Fugate doesn’t really have much to live up to. Just don’t F up a Katrina like disaster and you’ll probably get a raise.
• Sorry to hear about the football players.
• Don’t we already know that xrays are dangerous? Who’s paying for these reports? Anyone want to pay me to do a report about how breathing oxygen leads to more cases of cancer? I swear I can twist into something shocking if you want!
• Is it me or should parents of those convicted of pretty heinous crimes be punished in some way? It’s society’s way of saying “you F’d up and we had to deal with your incompetency as a parent.” Nothing crazy like jail time, but how about some mandatory community service or something, right?

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What are they thinking?

With the Super Bowl just passing, there wasn’t just a new NFL champion crowned, there was the best of the best in advertising out on full display. With ad rates as high as $3M per 30 seconds, advertisers made sure they were using their most effective ads. What I learned is that every time I watched a new commercial, I was given a chance to get a free marketing lesson from some of the top marketing firms in the world.

Key Points to look out for:

• Type of Message - i.e. Prey on Fear or Urgency (think Viagra Commercials)
• Choice of Words - Too many vs. Too Little.
• Images - Question why they chose that image vs. another.
• Transitions - Are there any? Do they funnel you into any direction?
• Choice of Music - Fast vs. Slow? Excitement? Commercials are mini-movies with their own soundtrack to evoke feelings as well!
• Choice of Actors - Did they affect you with their presence? (i.e. I still don’t understand why Kenny Mayne does insurance commercials)

The bottom line is that you should try your best to figure out what emotions the commercial just evoked from you. Determine what the advertiser succeeded and failed in doing. I would suggest keeping a pad and pencil on your coffee table or in your car for you to jot down your thoughts, so you can take advantage of all the free lessons of the day!

Check out all the super bowl ads at hulu.com and let me know what you thought were the best or the worst and why.

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To be honest with you, I was still a little confused as to why I was here at Affiliate Summit West. One of the biggest reasons I signed up to come was because of how much fun I had a Blog World Expo and also because I received a free pass from ASW. I did a mini-tour of the booths last night with Morgan and D, but wasn’t really excited to see anything there. I wasn’t really looking forward to any booth touring today and yes, I realized I was in danger of getting into party-pooper mode . . . . until this morning when I arrived at the Keynote speech given by Jason Calacanis, the founder of Weblogs Inc and Mahalo.com.

Admittedly, I arrived a little late and even more admittedly, I didn’t know who the hell was speaking as I entered the room. I just heard so smart mouthed, New York accent cussing and trying to get some cheap laughs. I finally figured out who Jason was and began to listen to his main messages

1. To ask affiliates to stop polluting the net with garbage.
2. Quality Content is King and will prevail for the long term.
3. Be prepared to take 5-10 years to build a high-quality site.
4. Reach for the stars. Go ahead and build for the long term.
5. I’m a dork who struck it rich and wants to put down everyone else that didn’t do it my way.

You’re probably guessing right that he didn’t really emphasize the last point in his powerpoint presentation. That message was translated all by yours truly. As I was listening to his keynote speech, I was having no problem with his elitist stance that the internet needs to be cleansed with the junk that affiliates are making to trick the unknowing. It was only until he got to pointing out bloggers like Shoemoney and Zac Johnson, who take pictures with their 6 figure checks. He includes both Shoe and Zac’s famous check pictures in his powerpoint presentation. Jason uses words like “pathetic, desparate, and uncouth” to publicly embarrass these bloggers. Jason tries to save some of their reputation by calling them “brilliant,” but through the rest of his presentation, he would use the “100K people” reference to represent the group of internet marketers that you shouldn’t strive to be like.

So, don’t get me wrong and think that I’m on Shoe’s and Zac’s side because I’ve personally met them and think they’re really great people. The point at which I felt I should write something about today’s events came later in the presentations when Jason begins to point out how he was a struggling magazine writer when he first started and that his first job was working on HP laser printers. He talked about how no one in the “Valley” wanted him around because of what he wrote. Well, he finally started getting credit for his work and was quickly establishing himself as a major voice in the internet community. This is the part of the presentation where he pathetically waves his resume and tells us how he gets invited to “all the parties” because everyone wants him there.

I know it’s not like showing off how much you make, but in a way, it really was. I can understand that he’s proud of the quality content he’s been able to prove. I can understand if he wants to rub it in people’s faces that his vision for quality would persevere all trends. I can understand if he wants the internet to be full of purists who strive for high quality content forever and ever.

The only thing I can’t understand is the quality of Jason’s character in putting down other’s to make his ego feel that much better.

More to come about the rest of my first day as I got to meet one of the people that inspired me to become the entrepreneur that I am today and notes from some of the presentations being given at Affiliate Summit West. 

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For those of you who get offended easily, don’t read this. That’s my disclaimer.

For the rest of us normal fun people, this is going to be my most “asian” post I’ve ever posted, so hopefully get a smile out of it! Coming from California, I’ve met every one of these Asians, so it’s pretty hilarious how damn close each description is! I wonder where my friend Greg Morgan falls into this list!

After your done, check out my YouTube Video at the bottom of this post - an asian dance crew called Kaba Modern (click for their Profile) from my alma mata - UC Irvine - competing ( and representing pretty well) in MTV’s America’s Best Dance Crew! Zot! Zot!

What Kind Of Asian Are You?

Young Asians in America come in many forms. Below are the major categories. Most Asians fit into multiple groups. For example, Rice-boys can also be Fobs and many Tabs are Fobulous. The only groups that are never part of another group are the Twinkies and the Asian-Americans. Claim your Fobbiness! When you see your Asian friend, greet them with “Wassup Fob!” And if your Asian friend says something ridiculous, say “Fob please!” Of course, when a non-Asian calls you a Fob, that is grounds for a fight. Ahahaha… The categories below are to be taken lightheartedly. Read, recognize and laugh.

Twinkie
- Besides your nationality, there is little to distinguish you from white people
- Your significant other is not Asian and never has been
- You have few Asian friends, if any
- You are embarrassed at family events because you cannot speak your language and everyone has to switch to English to communicate with you
- You have no idea that the other types of Asians on this list even exist
- You think Hello Kitty is dumb and do not know what Sanrio is
- You are the only Asian on this list that does not know what Bubble Tea is
- You drive a Ford or some other domestic car and if you drive a Honda, it is stock

Asian-American
- You claim yourself as Asian, but real Asians think you’re whitewashed and non-Asians see you as a foreigner. You fit in nowhere
- You have heard of Bubble Tea but have never actually had any
- You are confused about your cultural identity and express this frustration through spoken word performances at your college
- You read A. magazine and think it’s great
- You do not know who Edison, Jay Chou, Ayu, or G.O.D. are
- You are only vaguely aware of the other Asians below

Yap (Young Asian Professional)
- You are in one of these professions:
a) Medicine / Pharmaceutical
b) Engineering
c) Finance
d) Investment Banking
e) Accounting
- Most of your wardrobe was purchased at Banana Republic
- You go to “mixers” on Thursday nights to meet other Yaps and talk about the Dow Jones.
- You did exactly what your parents wanted you to do and as a result, your life is hella boring
- Your apartment/home is decorated almost exclusively with stuff from Pier 1
- Your parents always talk to their friends about how much money you make. If they don’t, then you’re a dissapointment

Fob (Fresh Off tha Boat)
- You were not born in America
- You know who Edison, Jay Chou, Ayu, or G.O.D. are. In fact, you have seen them at Atlantic City or Las Vegas recently
- You speak your native language fluently and so do all your friends
- You do not have any non-Asian friends
- Your parents do not speak any English
- When you speak English, you like to make everything plural
- You get extremely good grades in school
- You cannot dance
- Your fashion sense comes from whatever country you’re from and you incorporate nothing from American fashion into your wardrobe

SuperFob
- Your command of the English language is minimal and you don’t care
- You like dim sum chicken feet
- You do not own a single CD, VCD, Video game, or DVD that isn’t bootlegged
- Your only hangout is Chinatown
- All the lights in your house are fluorescent
- You dry your cloths outside your window
- You need a haircut
- You either smell like cigarettes or food

Fobabee
- You are an Asian-American or Twinkie who has recently “awoken”
- You have a newly found fetish of Asian girls/boys
- You have taken the Asian Studies course at college
- You are trying to learn as much as possible about your culture to make up for your lifetime of trying to be white (Twinkie ; Banana) or Black (Chigger ; Tea egg)
- If you are lucky, you will grow to become Fobulous

Gangsta Fob (Fobsta)
- You have shot another Asian
- Your favorite hangout is a pool hall
- When you talk, you sound like a cross between a Fob and an urban black kid
- Your hair looks silly, but no one will tell you because you’ll shoot them
- You have a serious gambling problem
- You are a Rice-boy, but your mods are cheap and are never painted to match the rest of your car
- No one tells you your rice ride looks cheap because you’ll shoot them
- You want to have a Tab girlfriend, but can only get Hoochie Tabs

Tab (Trendy Asian B*tch)
- You shop at A/X, Bebe and Club Monaco
- You only wear black and will occasionally wear white to “mix it up”
- You do not weigh more than 105 lbs
- You have never paid for dinner at a restaurant in your life
- Platform heels are your favorite
- You are a makeup expert, in fact, you appear completely flawless
- You do not smile in public
- You are the object of desire of all Asian men and you know it
- You smoke
- Your cell phone is completely customized
- Somewhere in your purse is a Sanrio item
- You only date Asian and will only date a boy with a nice car
- You are often seen with Rice-boys
- You never travel alone. You are either in the company of other Tabs or your Rice-boy boyfriend

Hoochie Tab
- You are an import car model
- Your boobs are not real
- There are naked pictures of you floating around on the internet somewhere
- Clear heels are your favorite
- Your role models are Tila Nguyen and Kaila Yu
- Your boyfriend is a Gangsta Fob
- You cheat on your boyfriend
- Unlike most Asians, you do not do well in school

Rice-Boy
- You drive an Asian import. Usually a Honda or Acura
- Your souped up car (known as a Rice-ride or Rice-rocket) is unrecognizable from it’s original stock form
- Your exhaust pipe is big enough for your head to fit in
- The spoiler on your car looks like it was made by Boeing
- The interior of your car also looks like it was designed by Boeing
- You always drive like you are racing someone
- You are not afraid of dying in a crash, but you are afraid of speed bumps and parking lot on-ramps
- The only other person besides yourself who can sit in your car is your 105 lbs Tab girlfriend. If anyone else sits in your car, the entire bottom of it will be touching the ground
- Even though your car is a Honda, it goes faster and is worth more than a Lotus Esprit

Fobulous
- You speak perfect English and you are fluent in your native language
- You have Asian friends as well as non-Asian friends
- You listen to Asian pop as well as American music
- You are equally aware of both popular American culture and Asian pop culture
- You are a good dancer
- You date Asian by choice even though you could rock the opposite sex of any other race
- You are a good designer and have superior Html skills (for that fly MySpace / Xanga page)
- For you, FOB stands for Fabulous Oriental Being
- You have lots of Asian pride

By the way - Happy Be-lated Chinese New Years!

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Today is a great day for the City of Los Angeles as my Lakers have added the final piece to the championship puzzle. If you haven’t heard yet, the Lakers have pulled off the steal of the year by trading one of the worst players in the league - Kwame Brown - for Pau Gasol - an underrated 7 Foot Power Forward who has lead Spain to the European Championships. When I heard the news, I was literally screaming in my car while driving down Wilshire Blvd in Santa Monica! People must have thought I was crazy, but I didn’t care! I was loving my Lakers!

I know some of you are going remind me that I was asking for Kevin Garnett last summer, but now he is a mortal enemy as he wears the horse manure green of the Boston Celtics! I usually hate Stephen A. Smith, but the man’s speaking the truth in this video clip and I can’t wait to celebrate our next Championship down Figueroa!

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