The Peon is Moving to New York

Friday the 29th, I closed my Macbook and rolled up my power adaptor like it was any ordinary day. But, unlike most days, I felt a little lump in my throat rise as a symbol of my sadness as that day was my last at Workplace and working with Cousin Gary and Ms. Danielle.

In the past 3 months, I have managed climb out of the murky and often joyless valley of the quarter-life crisis, a chapter filled with utter confusion about professional prospects, to a new job in search engine marketing in New York City. Yes, Cousin J is moving on up.

Before I left, one of my coworkers sent me the most beautiful image I have ever seen. To the undiscerning eye, this image was worthless. But to me, this image represented the culmination of my last 4 months of work and I reveled in the beauty and utter simplicity of this bar graph: the X axis covered the last 30 days while the Y axis measured traffic to our site. The most recent 5 days on the graph shot up from the X axes like a giant, towering skyscrapers shading over the meager traffic of the rest of the month.

It works!! Backlinking works! I have visual proof that the last 4 months of accosting webmasters and writing thousands of requests for backlinks in exchange for my first born child/monetary compensation is a very,very fruitful SEO method. Granted, Workplace had a fairly generous budget for purchasing links and had more peons hounding people for links but still, given a little time and effort and effective linking, you too can exponentially drive traffic to your site. Its like those sea monkeys you put in water: from shriveled little boogerish entities, they magically transform into full-grown creature-pets that you love and cherish forever!

Ok, it’s late and I’m off topic. Anyways, this is me saying “over and out!”